On How Marriage Doesn’t Solve Problems

I just read an article (one of countless on this topic) called “Marriage Doesn’t Solve Your Problems.” Which is obviously quite true. In fact, my life was (in my opinion) gloriously uncomplicated in many ways during the first 22 years of my life. Ways that have have forever vanished.

1. I am a confident, secure person. But you know what? Falling desperately in love with another person makes that harder to maintain. Because you want his affection, approval, admiration, attention. Before my David, my biggest critic was my little sister. But now David & I both have expectations for the other, and that’s draining to learn to cope with. Sometimes we argue just because I have an idea of how-men-should-be from my own father and brothers. Sometimes I have cried by myself because I am afraid that other girls and women have created in David desires and expectations that I can’t (or don’t want to) meet.

2. I like doing what I want when I want. I was raised to be sensitive and responsible, and I have done my best to do that. During my older years living at home and working, and during the first year of my Single Life at Regent, I had a fairly unrestricted freedom. If I wanted to stay the night somewhere unexpectedly, it was my call. Nobody suffered but me if I overbooked myself and participated in too many shows or went to too many parties. I didn’t realise that all of that shifts when you have a partner, lover, teammate. Every decision becomes our decision – even ones which at first seem silly. This becomes even more important when Marriage happens. We’ll be working through life together, not living two separate and unattached lives while sharing a roof.

I could probably go on. But suffice to say, I have learned that a significant other does create turbulence, pain, sometimes problems which have to be worked through. Thankfully, this kind of relationship is also a blessing. Having a boyfriend or husband-to-be doesn’t fix problems.

  • He doesn’t fill “voids” in my character, but he complements my weaknesses with his strengths.
  • He does “fix” loneliness or feelings of emptiness, but he is a comfort and a companion.
  • He isn’t my ideal (that I didn’t even realize I had) but he challenges me, reprimands my pride, laughs at my jokes, and tells me every day that he’s going to take care of me.

And those are good things.

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