But She Could Not Have Everything

Surely it is not everything that I wish for. I just wish for this one thing. I just wish for the Family I once knew. It was right, once. I wish for love, embraces, understanding, trying. I wish for open arms from those who I have always known. Is that so much to ask?

Yes (he said). What if it is? Do you know how many have never had the Family which you so recently lost? Never had any Family. Their childhoods were marked by tears, by pain, by loneliness. Yet somehow in your selfishness you feel it is harder for you to have had and then lost. Tell me then, what have you lost?

I have lost…am losing…the companion and friend of my youth. I am losing the cohesion, the connectedness, the ability to say in a carefree manner, “Of course my family is my best friend. My brothers and sisters are my best friends.” I’m drowning in the sheer confusion of it all, leaving the pain aside. My family wasn’t like those other families. My family wasn’t torn by dissension and selfishness. My family was different. If nothing else, I had my family.

And do you have nothing, now, girl? Are you stripped of father, mother, brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces? Do you sit alone and comfortless? Do your tears wet only your pillowcases, and no loving shoulder?

No. I am not left without those things.

And when you look outside your blood, are you so blind to miss the family I have given you there? Do you see no shining, smiling Brothers and Sisters connected to your spirit? Ones which would give their very lives for you?

No, I am not so blind. I see them…

It is….just hard. Family is all I want. Have ever wanted.

No my child. It may be what you want most, but it is not all you have ever wanted. You wanted many faces, and you found them. You wanted words, and you found them. When you could not find the right words, you created them. You wanted the stage, and I gave it to you. You wanted learning, and it is yours. You wanted the love of a husband, and I guided you to such a husband. He is willing to leave his father and mother and cleave only to you. Are you not willing to do the same?

Yes, I am willing. I must be willing. I only wanted to make my family bigger, not to break it apart. Why must things fall apart?

Shh, my girl. You know I care for you. I care for even the sparrows, why would I forget your tears? Dry them. Look to the lights and faces around you. Look to your work and your joys, and do not dwell on things beyond your control. All will answer to me, someday. Make sure your answer is what it ought to be.

Monday Morning Ponderings

 *   Scripturally, Jesus Christ is the Word of God. How easy it is to live life and forget about that. We quote Bible verses proclaiming “the Word says this,” and “the Word says that.” It will be my goal for the rest of my life to treat Jesus like the actual Word of God, and to learn how to read Scripture as best I can.

*   People really do make time for things which are important to them. Give people grace for busy schedules. But never forget that principle.

*   “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Phil. 2:3-4). According to Karl Barth, “selfish ambition” means someone who insists upon his own wages. So, to better imitate Christ, I have to give up seeking fairness and fulfillment of what (I think) I am due. Of what is fair. What is right. What I “deserve.”

(oh, sweet Jesus. I will need help with that.)

*   non·sense   [non-sens, -suhns]
noun
1. words or language having little or no sense or meaning.
2. conduct, action, etc., that is senseless, foolish, or absurd: to have tolerated enough nonsense
3. impudent, insubordinate, or otherwise objectionable behavior: He doesn’t have to take that nonsense from you
4. something absurd or fatuous: the utter nonsense of such a suggestion
5. anything of trifling importance or of little or no use