broken

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//

– _ / { “ /

I can’t do it anymore.

I cannot keep crying over you.

Over your hurt and your words and your lies and accusations.

I should have run out of tears by now, but they just keep coming.

I can’t keep agonizing over what went wrong every time I have a moment’s silence. In the shower

{quick, hum}

in the car

{quick, turn on the music}

waiting in lines

{don’t think, can’t stop, don’t cry}

.

“It would be different if you were actually helping,” he told me.

It’s true. But I’m not. You keep spiraling down and down and further and further away from the one I knew.

You never saw me right, but you never saw me so very wrong, either. Now you look at me and see everything so. so wrong.

~

I just wanted to love you.

I want to have funny facebook exchanges on your wall.

I want to give you the good marriage books I read and warn you about the silly ones.

I want to talk about your dreams and hopes and your hair and where you’re going to live.

I want you to sit me down and cut my hair and tell me about all the adventures you want to have. I want to tell you mine.

I want you to look at me without hate in your eyes.

I want to know why you never trusted me, never believed me. Why you lied to me. What did you think I would do? say?

did you think I would leave you?

did you think I would throw you to the wolves?

I just want to be your friend.

I’ve only ever wanted to be your friend.

but I can’t do it anymore.

I have to stop trying to fix it.

I have to stop trying to fix
every
broken
thing

I see.

some things are just broken i guess.

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